Oh! This was interesting! Love the concept. You see a lot of post-apocalyptic premises, but this one seems especially dreary and I love, love, Love the idea of people being raised without words/not knowing or understanding their own emotions. The Chamber! Goodness! I romanced Ferret myself (we love a cold, strong woman who’s ready to throw Hands) - and I’m looking forward to how that turns out.
If I could give a bit of constructive feedback? And I mean this in the kindest, most respectful way possible as I really like your idea and want to see it shine. (I also realize it’s a WIP) The transition from barely knowing words/feelings, to learning/experiencing them felt too brief for me. I didn’t get the Fullness of that struggle and it seems like my MC is more emotionally mature than they should be? I would really love both Ferret and MC trying to figure that out when they’ve been wholly denied it, not even knowing the concept of love/intimacy beyond books. Being unable to put words to things is something I’d like to see more as well. Getting frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, etc. If there’s physical intimacy (esp with Ferret) there should be so much trauma there when they only know that Chamber.
On that note, I felt a lot of the MC’s growth was less my choices through actions, and more plot-driven. I don’t really feel I had a hand in how they turned out, thus far. Maybe this will be more fleshed out in time/ this is just a ‘prologue’ for the ‘main’ story - but thought it worth mentioning.
I do hope that was helpful and I wish you all the best with this awesome Project!
Hello! Thank you for reading my story and for taking the time to give thoughtful feedback. I don’t mind, and I appreciate the tact and care you put into it! It’s difficult finding a good pace for the story—trying to give adequate time for growth yet also not belaboring the point.
Your MC is a bit more emotionally mature than other workers, due to the fact that you’re a healer. You’ve had more contact with others, both physical and spoken, than any other worker in any other job. Also, healers are the only workers who have mentors, so while the contact would have been the absolute minimum, it’s still more than most receive.
I don’t think that the chamber necessarily equates to heavy trauma, as that signifies some kind of emotional response. Certainly some would, as in Robin’s case, but most workers are simply numb—just as you don’t feel love, you also don’t feel the absence of it. But Ferret definitely has resentment over it. Her intimate scene is actually in the next chapter which drops this Thursday, so I’m curious what you’ll think.
And you’re correct, a lot of the choices are, by necessity, plot driven. In those instances I’ve tried to give a choice as to how you approach them—the action will have to occur either way, but your feelings going in make the difference. I can certainly try to add more choices like that.
Also, some of the scenes are a result of previous choices you’ve made. For example, whether or not you save the book from the fires, or how you respond to the idea of keeping away from the Circle for 2 weeks. Those and other scenes play out differently based on the persona you’ve cultivated.
But erm, this isn’t a prologue, lol, it is the main story. It’s actually close to conclusion. 😅
Thank you for responding! I’m glad you found no offense in my feedback; I went to art school and had my soul pile driven into the Abyss with the harshness of criticism, so I do value constructive critiques. I know this your baby, but it truly is a compliment I said anything at all!
That makes sense re: MC’s emotional intelligence/maturity given their profession. I actually like that! Perhaps I was confused since I thought Builders, etc. worked in groups as well - only Burners being the most ‘solitary’ in their work. But they also don’t talk, right? So even then, the human interaction is very remedial in my understanding. Maybe there’s an idea of ‘care’ for not wanting patients to get hurt, but love as a concept, for example, would still be difficult (it’s difficult for us now and we have so much more freedom than them!). I more so just wanted to see more of a struggle to coming to terms with a new range of emotions when their default seems to be primarily numb, anger, fear; or having the choice for it to be a struggle for your MC. The yellow heart/red heart could maybe be expanded for that?
Fair enough for the chamber. I guess that’s just additional choice I’d like to have. My MC seems they can hardly talk about it/want to think of it (and they’re also a woman) so that equated trauma for me - heavy or otherwise is interpretation because what do we consider ‘traumatic’ — it’s different for all of us. Numb could be an option, but given MC is more emotionally mature, I’d think that incite something. Could we decide that?
Also - sorry, I more so didn’t want to assume: a lot of IF writers do a first draft and then further flesh out later. That’s great if you’re almost finished! Thank you for considering what I said! Looking forward to Ferret chapter!
Hello, again! Yep, I remember my creative writing workshops from university, much of which I think I've repressed, lol.
Ahh, I see what you mean about the chamber and I can definitely try to expand on reactionary choices more. You weren't wrong when you thought a lot of this was plot-based. It's my first interactive fiction and it was based on a novella I wrote, so I often find myself drifting back into novel writing versus IF.
No worries on the first draft comment! I'm still new to the community and beginning to see a lot of WIPs and first drafts now, too. Especially since I created a Tumblr account. My interactive fiction world just opened up! 😳
Thank you again for explaining and for giving my story a try!
There is no save button, but the game does save your progress to your browser. One of my devlogs goes into it in more detail if you’re curious. I hope you’ll still enjoy it without that functionality!
I stumbled across this looking for new IFs and I’m literally obsessed <3 I love ur writing, the world building and everything ab the characters you’ve created!! Heron and Lion have my heart <3 I’ve replayed it sm times already
Aww, I'm glad you found my IF, thank you! Lion and Heron are both difficult to resist. 😏 I'm happy to hear you enjoyed their routes and that you've replayed it!
This is an excellent WIP and I can't wait to see where you go with it. I've played Heron's route so far and will be playing through the others' as well, there's seriously no one I don't like, which is a first. Your writing is extremely good, especially your descriptions. If there's one extremely minor request I might make, would you be willing to include Starling as one of the name options the players can pick from? Haha, I'm only asking because the common starling is my favorite bird and I've got one as a pet that I've raised from a fledgeling that I found on the ground.
Hello and thank you! That's a wonderful compliment regarding the ROs, and I'm glad you enjoyed Heron's route!
I'm hesitant to include another bird name because I have so many already: Robin, Heron, Eagle, Lark, Wren, Hawk. I'm trying to keep a balanced selection and I've already got several on the drawing room floor, I'm sorry! I could easily go overboard on the birds if I allowed myself, lol. I absolutely love the fact that you've raised one, that's adorable! 🥹
Hey there and you're welcome~! Haha no problem at all, I completely get why you'd be hesitant in hindsight and it's a very valid reason~ No need to apologize, seriously, it was just a "hey, I wonder," sort of question, not one with any weight behind it at all :D It's hard not to, considering how incredible most birds really are~ Thank you! I've taken in and raised several unusual animals since I was a kid, comes from living in the country most of my life (and desert, now. XD) I've had Hector (my Starling, who's with me for as long as he wants to be,) a fruit bat I rescued from my pool and kept until it was able to fly again, tons of garter, red and blue racer snakes, a possum and a couple of skunks. ^.^ Now, it's just Hector, Twinkie (she's a tuxedo cat I've rased from a stray kitten) and a three-legged turtle named Yurtle. :D
Anyway, before I keep rambling nonsensically about animals and whatnot: seriously, the post-apocalyptic genre (and all its subgenres,) your way of writing and characterization is excellent; you've got yourself a new (pain in the ass, mind you :P) follower~
You’re not rambling, no worries, thank you for sharing! And a fruit bat? 😨 I grew up a city girl, any bats or snakes I saw were in the zoo, lol.
And you’re not a pain at all, not in the least! Thank you for being a follower and taking the time to write. It honestly means a great deal to me and I’m very appreciative! 🥹❤️
this was amazing! i love the writing and plot so much, i can't wait to read more of this!! i eat the childhood friend trope everytime, it's too good and Heron is adorable! thank you so much for your hardwork on this
This IF is incredibly written and is definitely one of my favourites I've read through on itch.io. So excited to see how you continue the story as I find the plot really interesting and unique! Loving Lion btw ^-^
AHHHHH I can't deal with this! Such a beautifully written story. The way you write is so immersive I completely lost myself in the world. Your characters are wonderful (Heron, beloved <3) thank you so much for sharing this!!
Thank you, that’s a wonderful compliment! I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed the story and characters. I love hearing how many people like Heron! He and Robin are the most changed from the original and it was a lot of fun developing both of them as ROs. Thanks again!
Oh my god, this is so AMAZING! I seriously cannot word how much I love this! The characters are so likeable and the story is so interesting! Looking forward to the next chapter! <3
I really loved this! All the routes so far are so cute, only thing is, not super sure if you've answered this already so sorry if you have lol, but, I was wondering if a save and load option will be added in the future? Again, I loved it thank you for your hard work!
Hello and thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the story!
I’m afraid I can’t add a save function. I built this using Twine Chapbook and that software doesn’t have save function capability. One of my devlogs goes into it in more detail if you’re curious. I hope you’ll still enjoy it without that functionality!
Oh, wow, thank you for the lovely compliment! The next update won’t be far off; finding the time to write can be tricky but I am committed to finishing this story this year!
the way i devoured this in a day.......... um yeah this was fuckin stellar. great writing, great characters, great concept/setting. im in love, dude. 10/10
Thank you so much for this incredible read! I hopped over from a comment in the Scout IF as well and I am not disappointed. I loved me some Lion from beginning to end and will definitely be replaying to try out the other RO's. I appreciate the time and energy you put into this work. As well as making each of the RO's someone I would hate passing up on. Keep up the good work!
Looove this!! Someone commented it under scout as a recommendation for those who missed it and I don't regret taking the time to read it. I did Lion's route first and Robin's second and they stole my heart. As someone nonbinary myself I just adore them so much and what they represent in a controlling society like this. This was some beautiful writing too. I ranted to my mother about the plot twist at the end, I wasn't expecting it at all but then I reread it with the robin route and it made so much sense! So exciting to see how this ends. I want to protect Fawn so bad and I'm scared you're setting her up for tragedy please don't hurt her!!! Robinmancer 4 life signing out ^_^
my only critique is that I feel like Ferret gets a bit sidelined despite her being a RO -- I enjoy her romance scenes but everyone else feels like they have more balance. I finished playing each route and Ferret's felt slightly incomplete compared to the rest. Her character on its own is lovely though. I really enjoy her characterization which is why I'm saying this. I hope she gets more content !
Hello, and thank you so much for giving my story a try! I've read Scout and it's very good, so that is quite the compliment! I'm also impressed with the author for having put forth that story at a time when the world was going to pot and we all needed something good, and I wish I had discovered her story, and IFs in general, back then.
I love finding Robinmancers! It was very important to me that I get their route and characterization right, and I really appreciate your words and the fact that it resonated with you. Thank you for letting me know!
I totally understand your feelings on Ferret; I worry the same, to be honest. She's introduced later than the others, but she's also, I think, the most complex RO, so naturally takes longer to get to know well. BUT! If you're on Ferret's route, you're gonna love Chapter 10! She definitely gets her screen time there and I'm loving how that scene is turning out.
That being said...
Erm, you're probably... most likely... kinda... definitely... gonna also hate Chapter 10. And me. For... other reasons in your comment.
You did so good with Robin! The way you portrayed the feeling of being nonbinary in a society arranged into male or female and the way you also portrayed their recent trauma. It was so good. I also love that mc calls them dearest <3 aughh I could go on and on!!! Their observant and thoughtful behavior sets them apart as well and makes them a unique character I think.
And awesome! Can't wait to see Ferret truly shine.
Additionally
NOOO!!!! I knew it I knew it. I fell to the floor in a target parking lot!!!!! My poor baby Fawn please no!!!!!
I don't know if I forgive you,...but I can appreciate your beautiful writing in getting me so attached to a character that I recognized her importance to the story and mc as a whole
I'm sorry but this game is CLEARLY meant dor women 😂
bc WHY WOULD I HOLD HANDS WITH THE BUILDER?? like f no keep your hand to yourself my guy 😂 talking about "grasp it firmly" or "grasp it nervously" like no thanks???
like it's such a shame the writing and story is really interesting but the player is a female pov
Men can’t hold hands? A non-binary person and a man can’t hold hands?
I can certainly add an option of not holding hands at all in that particular scene if you think your MC would not, because that is a valid point. But I respectfully disagree with your assumption. Thank you for giving my story a try. 😊
sorry if I sound harsh I feel bad now lol but yeah men DO NOT hold hands UNLESS you know... they like men. you seem like a lovely person trying to create her story and I appreciate you for it. just yeah didn't like that part where I felt like a helpless girl being guided by my strong man 😂
Ah, ok, thank you for explaining. I didn’t realize it may come across as a helpless MC. I do want the MC to feel like your own so I don’t mind making changes, with that context in mind. I appreciate you clarifying.
I appreciate the fact that you're actually willing to make changes and not like "this is my product take it or leave it" although you have all the right to do so
To be fair, Lion is my boo and I do tend to write with a bias of him as the RO! 😅 I appreciate when others point that out, and I have no problem correcting it. Thank you!
I come back to itch.io after a few stressful weeks to find out this IF was update two weeks ago! You posted more chapters faster than I thought.
I'm certainly not complaining and I'm definitely not disappointed, though that cliffhanger should be illegal 😂. I'm glad to see my suspicions from when I first read this were correct, I can't wait to see how these interactions will develop.
I love the build-up these last two chapters make; while the chapters before that show the wonder and curiosity of the characters as they are exposed to all these new things, now you can see them starting to fully process just how restricted the people of the City are and the anger and resentment practically radiates from them. Reading this feels like music that is slowly getting louder with each little act of rebellion until, hopefully in later chapters, it will reach into a big crescendo where the characters finally had enough.
Thank you for the update, keep up the amazing work!
Welcome back, Realpowermind! Thank you for taking the time to comment again, and my apologies for the cliffhanger. 😅 To be fair, I had much of chapters 8 and 9 already written when I first published this story. Now I’m feeling the pressure a little more, lol.
And you’re correct, everything is building toward an inevitable conflict, which may be coming sooner than you expect. 👀 Thank you again for the lovely comment, I love hearing from you!
Just call me Power or Powermind! Take as much time as you need for the chapters, I'm sure they'll be good no matter how long. I'm just glad you're working on this IF because like we've discussed before, there are so many unfinished IFs on itch.io.
Now you got me intrigued for what's in store 🤔 May I ask how many chapters you plan on making this?
It's great hearing from you too! Love the new artwork Isabela made, by the way.
Hello, Power! There are 12 chapters planned but 12 is going to be a big one. I may split it up once I get into it. May depend on what readers want, too—whether you’d prefer updates or just wait to drop the end of the story, lol.
Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed Isabela’s new artwork!
After realizing how long I've laid in bed at night thinking about this particular IF, I knew I had to make an account to share my thoughts. The lore, the cast, the story! The journal entries at the beginning of each chapter left me hungry for so much more, and I'm afraid I'm going to find myself opening and closing this page like a refrigerator door—with hopes that maybe, just maybe, it'll become a case of Schrödinger's update.
I was instantly captivated by Robin and their route. As a gender non-conforming person myself, it was super heartwarming to see representation like this in an IF this well written and cared for. All of that aside, I think I would have fallen in love with them either way. Each character is written so well and with so much care that it's hard not to love all of them.
Heron’s route was super sweet as well, although I may be a bit biased as I always find myself loving the routes that involve a romance blossoming from a childhood friendship. Every route is just so delicately crafted and handled so beautifully in its own, wondrous way. I could go on and on about each individual character and how much each of them have infatuated me, but I'll spare you the trouble. We wouldn't want this comment to take up too much space, after all!
I'll definitely be an avid promoter of this work, and by all hell is it deserving of the praise. I've already talked my friends' ears off with all my over enthusiastic rants about Viatica. This story has also been tempting me to write my own IF, almost to a worrying degree... Maybe if I figure out how to code one, hah!
Oh my goodness, I don’t even know where to begin, but first off… THANK YOU!! That was a lovely and well thought out comment and my cheeks hurt by how much I’m grinning. 😁 I am touched that you created an account just to share your thoughts!
I’m so glad you’re enjoying the characters, particularly Robin, and that you found their route authentic. At the risk of over sharing… much of their character and dialogue is actually straight from the mouth of my son, a trans man, and his own journey of identity, and I couldn’t have told Robin’s story without his help. (He was stoked to read your comment, btw!)
Thank you for telling your friends about this IF, it’s very much appreciated! I promise the updates will be regular-ish. 😅 Chapter 10 has been difficult to write because it’s a fairly emotional chapter, but it’s nearly done, then I just need to code and proofread it.
And you should definitely write your own IF! I encourage you to check out Twine: Chapbook. It’s been very easy to learn, partly because the creator made a detailed, comprehensive how-to guide for it, which even included notes on how to add music.
if there was some way to financially contribute to the game, I'd totally do it because Robin is a bae and I still think about them sometimes a few weeks after I've completed the available chapters :")
Aww, thank you so much for that! Honestly, your comment here is a great contribution and encouragement for me. (But if there was some way to contribute time and hours in a day, I’d be all over that.) 😅 I’m glad you enjoyed Robin’s route—they seem to get less attention than the other routes and I’m happy to hear they have their fans, too. Thanks for your support!
This was SO good! The story was really touching. I love how despite the world being so harsh and cruel you manage to create such a hopeful and warm story. I can't wait for more!
This is so good, and unexpectedly very... I don't know how to say it, engaging? I guess? Like, it almost feels like I am really a part of the world when I read the story. I've done Lion's route so far and I think I'll wait until the story is completed before I do everyone else's🤔 but yeah, I'm looking forward to the future updates!!
Thank you very much, I’m glad you felt immersed in the story! I try not to play faves (but Lion totally is) and I’m glad you enjoyed his route. The story will be finished this year and it won’t be terribly long, so you can easily play multiple routes once completed. I hope to release chapter 10 in a couple of weeks, 3 weeks tops. Thank you for your support!
Oh I Absolutely ADORE This! I've Only Done Lion's Route So Far But I'm For Sure Going Try Them All At Least Once! I Love This Story And Can't Wait To See More! :D
Hello and thank you! There’s actually not a lot left. Chapter 10 is sort of the beginning of the end. There will at least be 12 chapters, though I may break chapter 12 into two smaller chapters. I was actually trying to plot it out just last night.
awe I'll be sad when it ends.. are you planning on making more stories? your writing is one of the best I've seen on itch, i got really immersed into the story huhu
Aww, thank you! ❤️ I would love to write another; this one has reignited my love of writing and been a good break for me. But I'd have to really think hard about a story I both want to tell, and have time to tell, lol. I don't want to commit to anything I won't realistically have time for. But I really appreciate your words, it means a lot, thank you!
I love love love this!! The writing in this is some of the best I have ever seen and it is definitely one of my favourite IFs. The characters all have their own quirks and personalities and the post-apocalyptic stuff (which I don't normally like) is actually really well done here.
Did I just create an account to leave a comment? Yes... yes I did... ahAm.
Just wanted to say that the story had me completely hooked and it caught me off guard because I never tought that a post apocalyptic world would intrigue me so much. But it's (sorry Lion) very well written and got me good.
Another note, immediately when I saw Herons art before I played the game I though "hah he looks like my brother" *plays the game* "oH-"
Did I just squeal like a dolphin reading your comment? Yes… yes I did.
I am so flattered that you took the time to create an account and share your wonderful comment here, thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the story and I can’t wait to show you more! And I love the irony with Heron, lol. Thank you, again!
I love this game so much! Its one of the best interactive fictions I've read. I have played this multiple times but the RO choice I like the most is ferret. I really can't wait to see more of this story and see how these wonderful characters grow!
Thank you very much, that’s quite the compliment! And I’m pleased to see Ferret getting some love! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!
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Easily 10/10 cannot wait for chapter 11 😻
Thank you! I’m aiming to release chapter 11 on 11/11, cause again, I’m a dork.
The update date is actually on my birthday this is crazy lol it's like a birthday present
Happy birthday! I hope you find it to be a good present! 😁
Oh! This was interesting! Love the concept. You see a lot of post-apocalyptic premises, but this one seems especially dreary and I love, love, Love the idea of people being raised without words/not knowing or understanding their own emotions. The Chamber! Goodness! I romanced Ferret myself (we love a cold, strong woman who’s ready to throw Hands) - and I’m looking forward to how that turns out.
If I could give a bit of constructive feedback? And I mean this in the kindest, most respectful way possible as I really like your idea and want to see it shine. (I also realize it’s a WIP) The transition from barely knowing words/feelings, to learning/experiencing them felt too brief for me. I didn’t get the Fullness of that struggle and it seems like my MC is more emotionally mature than they should be? I would really love both Ferret and MC trying to figure that out when they’ve been wholly denied it, not even knowing the concept of love/intimacy beyond books. Being unable to put words to things is something I’d like to see more as well. Getting frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, etc. If there’s physical intimacy (esp with Ferret) there should be so much trauma there when they only know that Chamber.
On that note, I felt a lot of the MC’s growth was less my choices through actions, and more plot-driven. I don’t really feel I had a hand in how they turned out, thus far. Maybe this will be more fleshed out in time/ this is just a ‘prologue’ for the ‘main’ story - but thought it worth mentioning.
I do hope that was helpful and I wish you all the best with this awesome Project!
Hello! Thank you for reading my story and for taking the time to give thoughtful feedback. I don’t mind, and I appreciate the tact and care you put into it! It’s difficult finding a good pace for the story—trying to give adequate time for growth yet also not belaboring the point.
Your MC is a bit more emotionally mature than other workers, due to the fact that you’re a healer. You’ve had more contact with others, both physical and spoken, than any other worker in any other job. Also, healers are the only workers who have mentors, so while the contact would have been the absolute minimum, it’s still more than most receive.
I don’t think that the chamber necessarily equates to heavy trauma, as that signifies some kind of emotional response. Certainly some would, as in Robin’s case, but most workers are simply numb—just as you don’t feel love, you also don’t feel the absence of it. But Ferret definitely has resentment over it. Her intimate scene is actually in the next chapter which drops this Thursday, so I’m curious what you’ll think.
And you’re correct, a lot of the choices are, by necessity, plot driven. In those instances I’ve tried to give a choice as to how you approach them—the action will have to occur either way, but your feelings going in make the difference. I can certainly try to add more choices like that.
Also, some of the scenes are a result of previous choices you’ve made. For example, whether or not you save the book from the fires, or how you respond to the idea of keeping away from the Circle for 2 weeks. Those and other scenes play out differently based on the persona you’ve cultivated.
But erm, this isn’t a prologue, lol, it is the main story. It’s actually close to conclusion. 😅
Thank you for responding! I’m glad you found no offense in my feedback; I went to art school and had my soul pile driven into the Abyss with the harshness of criticism, so I do value constructive critiques. I know this your baby, but it truly is a compliment I said anything at all!
That makes sense re: MC’s emotional intelligence/maturity given their profession. I actually like that! Perhaps I was confused since I thought Builders, etc. worked in groups as well - only Burners being the most ‘solitary’ in their work. But they also don’t talk, right? So even then, the human interaction is very remedial in my understanding. Maybe there’s an idea of ‘care’ for not wanting patients to get hurt, but love as a concept, for example, would still be difficult (it’s difficult for us now and we have so much more freedom than them!). I more so just wanted to see more of a struggle to coming to terms with a new range of emotions when their default seems to be primarily numb, anger, fear; or having the choice for it to be a struggle for your MC. The yellow heart/red heart could maybe be expanded for that?
Fair enough for the chamber. I guess that’s just additional choice I’d like to have. My MC seems they can hardly talk about it/want to think of it (and they’re also a woman) so that equated trauma for me - heavy or otherwise is interpretation because what do we consider ‘traumatic’ — it’s different for all of us. Numb could be an option, but given MC is more emotionally mature, I’d think that incite something. Could we decide that?
Also - sorry, I more so didn’t want to assume: a lot of IF writers do a first draft and then further flesh out later. That’s great if you’re almost finished! Thank you for considering what I said! Looking forward to Ferret chapter!
Hello, again! Yep, I remember my creative writing workshops from university, much of which I think I've repressed, lol.
Ahh, I see what you mean about the chamber and I can definitely try to expand on reactionary choices more. You weren't wrong when you thought a lot of this was plot-based. It's my first interactive fiction and it was based on a novella I wrote, so I often find myself drifting back into novel writing versus IF.
No worries on the first draft comment! I'm still new to the community and beginning to see a lot of WIPs and first drafts now, too. Especially since I created a Tumblr account. My interactive fiction world just opened up! 😳
Thank you again for explaining and for giving my story a try!
where are we able to save our progress? i love this so much!
Hello, I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
There is no save button, but the game does save your progress to your browser. One of my devlogs goes into it in more detail if you’re curious. I hope you’ll still enjoy it without that functionality!
Lion is my pookie <3 (i'm sorry i have prolonged exposure to that word i can't help it) anyways this made my day :)
This comment made my day, no apologies necessary! 😆 Lion is most definitely a pookie.
Thank you!
I stumbled across this looking for new IFs and I’m literally obsessed <3 I love ur writing, the world building and everything ab the characters you’ve created!! Heron and Lion have my heart <3 I’ve replayed it sm times already
Aww, I'm glad you found my IF, thank you! Lion and Heron are both difficult to resist. 😏 I'm happy to hear you enjoyed their routes and that you've replayed it!
This is an excellent WIP and I can't wait to see where you go with it. I've played Heron's route so far and will be playing through the others' as well, there's seriously no one I don't like, which is a first. Your writing is extremely good, especially your descriptions. If there's one extremely minor request I might make, would you be willing to include Starling as one of the name options the players can pick from? Haha, I'm only asking because the common starling is my favorite bird and I've got one as a pet that I've raised from a fledgeling that I found on the ground.
Hello and thank you! That's a wonderful compliment regarding the ROs, and I'm glad you enjoyed Heron's route!
I'm hesitant to include another bird name because I have so many already: Robin, Heron, Eagle, Lark, Wren, Hawk. I'm trying to keep a balanced selection and I've already got several on the drawing room floor, I'm sorry! I could easily go overboard on the birds if I allowed myself, lol. I absolutely love the fact that you've raised one, that's adorable! 🥹
Hey there and you're welcome~! Haha no problem at all, I completely get why you'd be hesitant in hindsight and it's a very valid reason~ No need to apologize, seriously, it was just a "hey, I wonder," sort of question, not one with any weight behind it at all :D It's hard not to, considering how incredible most birds really are~ Thank you! I've taken in and raised several unusual animals since I was a kid, comes from living in the country most of my life (and desert, now. XD) I've had Hector (my Starling, who's with me for as long as he wants to be,) a fruit bat I rescued from my pool and kept until it was able to fly again, tons of garter, red and blue racer snakes, a possum and a couple of skunks. ^.^ Now, it's just Hector, Twinkie (she's a tuxedo cat I've rased from a stray kitten) and a three-legged turtle named Yurtle. :D
Anyway, before I keep rambling nonsensically about animals and whatnot: seriously, the post-apocalyptic genre (and all its subgenres,) your way of writing and characterization is excellent; you've got yourself a new (pain in the ass, mind you :P) follower~
You’re not rambling, no worries, thank you for sharing! And a fruit bat? 😨 I grew up a city girl, any bats or snakes I saw were in the zoo, lol.
And you’re not a pain at all, not in the least! Thank you for being a follower and taking the time to write. It honestly means a great deal to me and I’m very appreciative! 🥹❤️
More Ferret romance please. She’s awesome.
I’m so glad you like Ferret! She gets her time to shine in chapter 10, which will drop this week.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
this was amazing! i love the writing and plot so much, i can't wait to read more of this!! i eat the childhood friend trope everytime, it's too good and Heron is adorable! thank you so much for your hardwork on this
You’re quite welcome, and thank you for reading and for the lovely comment! I’m right there with you on the childhood friend trope!
Also I think there’s a joke in there about eating up the childhood friend trope and Heron being a feeder 🤣
I adore Robin
Yay! I love finding Robinmancers!
This IF is incredibly written and is definitely one of my favourites I've read through on itch.io. So excited to see how you continue the story as I find the plot really interesting and unique! Loving Lion btw ^-^
Aww, thank you! I’m excited to share more with you! And excited to bring you more Lion, of course. 😉
AHHHHH I can't deal with this! Such a beautifully written story. The way you write is so immersive I completely lost myself in the world. Your characters are wonderful (Heron, beloved <3) thank you so much for sharing this!!
Thank you, that’s a wonderful compliment! I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed the story and characters. I love hearing how many people like Heron! He and Robin are the most changed from the original and it was a lot of fun developing both of them as ROs. Thanks again!
So good. Read it in one sitting. The mystery, the thrill, the twists. Perfection.
Thank you so much!
Omg this is incredible! You're amazing, thank you so much! Love all the characters but I tell you what Heron... Chiefs kiss 💋
Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! And love me that childhood friend trope. 😉
I'M TORN BETWEEN HERON AND LION GAHHH I LOVE THIS IF PLEASE MORE <33
Haha, not a terrible problem to have! Thank you for the comment, more is coming soon!
lion the man you are
Yes. Yes, he is. 😎
every time hes in a scene im kicking my feet and twirling my hair
Lol, that is the BEST reaction, you made my day! 😆
Really good and interesting, looking forward to more
Thank you!
Oh my god, this is so AMAZING! I seriously cannot word how much I love this! The characters are so likeable and the story is so interesting! Looking forward to the next chapter! <3
Aww, thank you so much! The next chapter will be dropping soon!
I really loved this! All the routes so far are so cute, only thing is, not super sure if you've answered this already so sorry if you have lol, but, I was wondering if a save and load option will be added in the future? Again, I loved it thank you for your hard work!
Hello and thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the story!
I’m afraid I can’t add a save function. I built this using Twine Chapbook and that software doesn’t have save function capability. One of my devlogs goes into it in more detail if you’re curious. I hope you’ll still enjoy it without that functionality!
This is such a lovely story! Thank you!
You’re welcome, and thank you for giving it a try and for taking the time to comment!
:3 Absolutely love this 10/10
Thank you!
I'm looking forward to the next update:3333 seriously can say that I'm a fan of you and interactive fiction after this
Oh, wow, thank you for the lovely compliment! The next update won’t be far off; finding the time to write can be tricky but I am committed to finishing this story this year!
the way i devoured this in a day.......... um yeah this was fuckin stellar. great writing, great characters, great concept/setting. im in love, dude. 10/10
Welcome back, tranquility! That’s high praise, thank you very much!
Thank you so much for this incredible read! I hopped over from a comment in the Scout IF as well and I am not disappointed. I loved me some Lion from beginning to end and will definitely be replaying to try out the other RO's. I appreciate the time and energy you put into this work. As well as making each of the RO's someone I would hate passing up on. Keep up the good work!
Aw, thank you! I appreciate you checking it out and taking the time to comment! I'm glad you're enjoying it!
Looove this!! Someone commented it under scout as a recommendation for those who missed it and I don't regret taking the time to read it. I did Lion's route first and Robin's second and they stole my heart. As someone nonbinary myself I just adore them so much and what they represent in a controlling society like this. This was some beautiful writing too. I ranted to my mother about the plot twist at the end, I wasn't expecting it at all but then I reread it with the robin route and it made so much sense! So exciting to see how this ends. I want to protect Fawn so bad and I'm scared you're setting her up for tragedy please don't hurt her!!! Robinmancer 4 life signing out ^_^
my only critique is that I feel like Ferret gets a bit sidelined despite her being a RO -- I enjoy her romance scenes but everyone else feels like they have more balance. I finished playing each route and Ferret's felt slightly incomplete compared to the rest. Her character on its own is lovely though. I really enjoy her characterization which is why I'm saying this. I hope she gets more content !
Hello, and thank you so much for giving my story a try! I've read Scout and it's very good, so that is quite the compliment! I'm also impressed with the author for having put forth that story at a time when the world was going to pot and we all needed something good, and I wish I had discovered her story, and IFs in general, back then.
I love finding Robinmancers! It was very important to me that I get their route and characterization right, and I really appreciate your words and the fact that it resonated with you. Thank you for letting me know!
I totally understand your feelings on Ferret; I worry the same, to be honest. She's introduced later than the others, but she's also, I think, the most complex RO, so naturally takes longer to get to know well. BUT! If you're on Ferret's route, you're gonna love Chapter 10! She definitely gets her screen time there and I'm loving how that scene is turning out.
That being said...
Erm, you're probably... most likely... kinda... definitely... gonna also hate Chapter 10. And me. For... other reasons in your comment.
I'M SORRY!!
You did so good with Robin! The way you portrayed the feeling of being nonbinary in a society arranged into male or female and the way you also portrayed their recent trauma. It was so good. I also love that mc calls them dearest <3 aughh I could go on and on!!! Their observant and thoughtful behavior sets them apart as well and makes them a unique character I think.
And awesome! Can't wait to see Ferret truly shine.
Additionally
NOOO!!!! I knew it I knew it. I fell to the floor in a target parking lot!!!!! My poor baby Fawn please no!!!!!
I don't know if I forgive you,...but I can appreciate your beautiful writing in getting me so attached to a character that I recognized her importance to the story and mc as a whole
I'm sorry but this game is CLEARLY meant dor women 😂
bc WHY WOULD I HOLD HANDS WITH THE BUILDER?? like f no keep your hand to yourself my guy 😂 talking about "grasp it firmly" or "grasp it nervously" like no thanks???
like it's such a shame the writing and story is really interesting but the player is a female pov
Men can’t hold hands? A non-binary person and a man can’t hold hands?
I can certainly add an option of not holding hands at all in that particular scene if you think your MC would not, because that is a valid point. But I respectfully disagree with your assumption. Thank you for giving my story a try. 😊
sorry if I sound harsh I feel bad now lol but yeah men DO NOT hold hands UNLESS you know... they like men. you seem like a lovely person trying to create her story and I appreciate you for it. just yeah didn't like that part where I felt like a helpless girl being guided by my strong man 😂
and please don't feel bad bc of my comment your story is amazing
Ah, ok, thank you for explaining. I didn’t realize it may come across as a helpless MC. I do want the MC to feel like your own so I don’t mind making changes, with that context in mind. I appreciate you clarifying.
I appreciate the fact that you're actually willing to make changes and not like "this is my product take it or leave it" although you have all the right to do so
To be fair, Lion is my boo and I do tend to write with a bias of him as the RO! 😅 I appreciate when others point that out, and I have no problem correcting it. Thank you!
ok. im fuckin obsessed. love this love this love this.
Haha, I enjoyed this comment so much, you got me laughing! Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment!
I come back to itch.io after a few stressful weeks to find out this IF was update two weeks ago! You posted more chapters faster than I thought.
I'm certainly not complaining and I'm definitely not disappointed, though that cliffhanger should be illegal 😂. I'm glad to see my suspicions from when I first read this were correct, I can't wait to see how these interactions will develop.
I love the build-up these last two chapters make; while the chapters before that show the wonder and curiosity of the characters as they are exposed to all these new things, now you can see them starting to fully process just how restricted the people of the City are and the anger and resentment practically radiates from them. Reading this feels like music that is slowly getting louder with each little act of rebellion until, hopefully in later chapters, it will reach into a big crescendo where the characters finally had enough.
Thank you for the update, keep up the amazing work!
Welcome back, Realpowermind! Thank you for taking the time to comment again, and my apologies for the cliffhanger. 😅 To be fair, I had much of chapters 8 and 9 already written when I first published this story. Now I’m feeling the pressure a little more, lol.
And you’re correct, everything is building toward an inevitable conflict, which may be coming sooner than you expect. 👀 Thank you again for the lovely comment, I love hearing from you!
Just call me Power or Powermind! Take as much time as you need for the chapters, I'm sure they'll be good no matter how long. I'm just glad you're working on this IF because like we've discussed before, there are so many unfinished IFs on itch.io.
Now you got me intrigued for what's in store 🤔 May I ask how many chapters you plan on making this?
It's great hearing from you too! Love the new artwork Isabela made, by the way.
Hello, Power! There are 12 chapters planned but 12 is going to be a big one. I may split it up once I get into it. May depend on what readers want, too—whether you’d prefer updates or just wait to drop the end of the story, lol.
Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed Isabela’s new artwork!
After realizing how long I've laid in bed at night thinking about this particular IF, I knew I had to make an account to share my thoughts. The lore, the cast, the story! The journal entries at the beginning of each chapter left me hungry for so much more, and I'm afraid I'm going to find myself opening and closing this page like a refrigerator door—with hopes that maybe, just maybe, it'll become a case of Schrödinger's update.
I was instantly captivated by Robin and their route. As a gender non-conforming person myself, it was super heartwarming to see representation like this in an IF this well written and cared for. All of that aside, I think I would have fallen in love with them either way. Each character is written so well and with so much care that it's hard not to love all of them.
Heron’s route was super sweet as well, although I may be a bit biased as I always find myself loving the routes that involve a romance blossoming from a childhood friendship. Every route is just so delicately crafted and handled so beautifully in its own, wondrous way. I could go on and on about each individual character and how much each of them have infatuated me, but I'll spare you the trouble. We wouldn't want this comment to take up too much space, after all!
I'll definitely be an avid promoter of this work, and by all hell is it deserving of the praise. I've already talked my friends' ears off with all my over enthusiastic rants about Viatica. This story has also been tempting me to write my own IF, almost to a worrying degree... Maybe if I figure out how to code one, hah!
Praise be to this amazing work of fiction!
Oh my goodness, I don’t even know where to begin, but first off… THANK YOU!! That was a lovely and well thought out comment and my cheeks hurt by how much I’m grinning. 😁 I am touched that you created an account just to share your thoughts!
I’m so glad you’re enjoying the characters, particularly Robin, and that you found their route authentic. At the risk of over sharing… much of their character and dialogue is actually straight from the mouth of my son, a trans man, and his own journey of identity, and I couldn’t have told Robin’s story without his help. (He was stoked to read your comment, btw!)
Thank you for telling your friends about this IF, it’s very much appreciated! I promise the updates will be regular-ish. 😅 Chapter 10 has been difficult to write because it’s a fairly emotional chapter, but it’s nearly done, then I just need to code and proofread it.
And you should definitely write your own IF! I encourage you to check out Twine: Chapbook. It’s been very easy to learn, partly because the creator made a detailed, comprehensive how-to guide for it, which even included notes on how to add music.
Thank you again, I appreciate your support! ❤️
This is such an intresting concept if you ever do make a book i would read it in a heartbeat!!!
Thank you!! Don’t know that I’d ever have the time to devote to writing a book, but I appreciate the sentiment!
if there was some way to financially contribute to the game, I'd totally do it because Robin is a bae and I still think about them sometimes a few weeks after I've completed the available chapters :")
Aww, thank you so much for that! Honestly, your comment here is a great contribution and encouragement for me. (But if there was some way to contribute time and hours in a day, I’d be all over that.) 😅 I’m glad you enjoyed Robin’s route—they seem to get less attention than the other routes and I’m happy to hear they have their fans, too. Thanks for your support!
This was SO good! The story was really touching. I love how despite the world being so harsh and cruel you manage to create such a hopeful and warm story. I can't wait for more!
Thank you, I'm glad to hear that! That's what I wanted to convey. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!
OMG!! this is the best game EVER! I can't wait for more❤️
Thank you so much!!
This is so good, and unexpectedly very... I don't know how to say it, engaging? I guess? Like, it almost feels like I am really a part of the world when I read the story. I've done Lion's route so far and I think I'll wait until the story is completed before I do everyone else's🤔 but yeah, I'm looking forward to the future updates!!
Thank you very much, I’m glad you felt immersed in the story! I try not to play faves (but Lion totally is) and I’m glad you enjoyed his route. The story will be finished this year and it won’t be terribly long, so you can easily play multiple routes once completed. I hope to release chapter 10 in a couple of weeks, 3 weeks tops. Thank you for your support!
Oh I Absolutely ADORE This! I've Only Done Lion's Route So Far But I'm For Sure Going Try Them All At Least Once! I Love This Story And Can't Wait To See More! :D
Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
this was absolutely beautiful. how many chapters are you planning to make? I'd love to see more!
Hello and thank you! There’s actually not a lot left. Chapter 10 is sort of the beginning of the end. There will at least be 12 chapters, though I may break chapter 12 into two smaller chapters. I was actually trying to plot it out just last night.
awe I'll be sad when it ends.. are you planning on making more stories? your writing is one of the best I've seen on itch, i got really immersed into the story huhu
Aww, thank you! ❤️ I would love to write another; this one has reignited my love of writing and been a good break for me. But I'd have to really think hard about a story I both want to tell, and have time to tell, lol. I don't want to commit to anything I won't realistically have time for. But I really appreciate your words, it means a lot, thank you!
I love love love this!! The writing in this is some of the best I have ever seen and it is definitely one of my favourite IFs. The characters all have their own quirks and personalities and the post-apocalyptic stuff (which I don't normally like) is actually really well done here.
Definitely looking forward to seeing more <3
Thank you so much! I’m glad I could win over someone to the post-apocalyptic side, lol. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!
I’m going to cry I love this sorry so much, it’s amazing and you did such a good job making it!
Ah, no, if you cry, then I’ll cry, and… there will be a lot of crying, lol.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
Did I just create an account to leave a comment? Yes... yes I did... ahAm.
Just wanted to say that the story had me completely hooked and it caught me off guard because I never tought that a post apocalyptic world would intrigue me so much. But it's (sorry Lion) very well written and got me good.
Another note, immediately when I saw Herons art before I played the game I though "hah he looks like my brother" *plays the game* "oH-"
Did I just squeal like a dolphin reading your comment? Yes… yes I did.
I am so flattered that you took the time to create an account and share your wonderful comment here, thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the story and I can’t wait to show you more! And I love the irony with Heron, lol. Thank you, again!
I love this game so much! Its one of the best interactive fictions I've read. I have played this multiple times but the RO choice I like the most is ferret. I really can't wait to see more of this story and see how these wonderful characters grow!
Thank you very much, that’s quite the compliment! And I’m pleased to see Ferret getting some love! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!
oh my goodness this was absolutely frkn wonderful!!!! Than you for sharing with us!!
Aww, thank you, you are very welcome! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!